


Limitless

by sarurin



Series: OiYama Week 2016 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coping, Established Relationship, M/M, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6566875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarurin/pseuds/sarurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would get on the motorcycle and let Tooru take him wherever he wanted. In such instances, he felt like he was flying, with wings spread behind his back as they rode through the empty streets and intersections. Free and full of life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Limitless

He was scared at first.

Tadashi took the helmet, but he wasn’t even sure how to put it on. It was heavy and he didn’t think his shoulders could support the weight of it. He stared inside it and looked around, holding it firmly before he leaned his head to put it on. Still, the helmet felt weird on him. He was sure it didn’t fit him the way it was suppose to, so he immediately took it off right after.

His boyfriend laughed at his reaction and continued to insist even though he didn’t want it. He shook his head and handed it back, but Tooru wouldn’t take it.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of Yama-chan. I promise I won’t go that fast.”

He had been trying to take him out for ride in his motorbike, but Tadashi always turned him down. It wasn’t that he lacked motivation. He was sure he was already over that for the most part. He just didn’t think he would survive, terrified that he would fall at some point. He’d seen the way Tooru drove around and it was reckless. He kept telling him he was risking his life, increasing his chance of being involved in an accident.

Seriously, it worried him, but it was a fact he had grown to live with since the start of their relationship. There was nothing he could do to convince him it was dangerous.

“It’s fun. You’re going to like it.” He told him once more, for the millionth time that night, but Tadashi wasn’t sure. “You can trust me.”

“I know, but I’m still kind of scared and shouldn’t you also be wearing a helmet? It isn’t safe otherwise.” Tooru shrugged, but didn’t deny he had a point. That was all he needed to make up his mind. He pushed the helmet toward him, almost dropping it, and decided to go back inside his apartment complex.

Tooru pulled him back, whining and asking him not to leave.

“It’s okay, though! I only have one and it’s not the first time I’ve gotten around without one. I actually got this helmet recently for you. I’ve been wanting to give you a ride for the longest time, but you always refuse. Please do me this favor. You won’t regret it, Yama-chan. I know you won’t.”

He thought about it again and looked at Tooru’s pleading eyes. He was practically begging him, making it impossible for him to say no. He helplessly sighed and turned back around. Instantly, his boyfriend’s face lit up with happiness and triumph.

“Fine, but not for too long. I need to be home within an hour...to take my medicine.”

“Alrighty, then!”

Instead of giving him back the helmet, Tooru placed it over his head and led him towards his motorcycle. He gulped at the sight of it, feeling his stomach turn in all sorts of directions. Tooru got on first and he seated himself right behind him. He held on tightly, wrapping his arms around his body and up his chest.

Aside from everything else, he liked the closeness. He could practically feel his breathing. Physical contact was always the best treatment for him and Tooru was well aware of it too. He wondered if that was the reason why he tried so hard.

Tooru turned around to look at him as he prepared himself. He gave him a sly smile and he suddenly realize what he had gotten himself into. His boyfriend asked him if he was ready and even though he wasn’t, Tadashi nodded. He took a deep breath, watching carefully as Tooru gripped the handles with his gloves.

“Don’t let go.” He warned, but Tadashi forgot to remind him not to go to fast since it wasn’t guaranteed “We wouldn’t want you to fall.”

Without giving him a chance to change his mind, he sped onto the street and Tadashi suddenly felt a strong gust of wind hitting against him. He panicked in response, almost cringing and grasping onto Tooru’s leather jacket as tightly as his could. He snapped his eyes shut and didn’t dare to lift his head out of fear. He pressed himself tightly against Tooru, hoping he would slow down. 

It was just a short ride around the neighborhood, so it didn’t take them long to get back. He told himself to never ride it again, but such a promise was quickly forgotten. The next time Tooru invited him, he almost instantly agreed. He was eager to feel that experience one more time. He wanted to let go of his fears. He wanted to remind himself of what it meant to live.

Tooru was thrilled by his decision and he was more than excited to ride around with him right behind.

Unlike before, he was able lift his head for the first time and look at the night sky with amazement, with wonder. They went past houses and into the outskirts of the busy city. It was late, so there was hardly any traffic at all, but the view was still beautiful.

There were a few people still walking by, some in pairs and others in groups. They got most of their attention, but he didn’t care. Instead, he was completely captivated by the small passing lights, by the faint stars drizzled across the sky, by Tooru’s calm breathing.

Their time together seemed to extended for hours, but all the while, it wasn’t enough. Such moments were never really meant to last and that’s what he was afraid of the most. On their way home, Tadashi clinged onto his boyfriend a bit tighter than usual and he briefly looked back, surprised by his reaction. He stopped the motorbike by the sidewalk, taking off his helmet to reveal his perfect defining face.

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been kind of quiet today? You didn’t forget your medicine?” He asked him with concern in his voice.

His depression wasn't something that could be turned off or on, but he wasn't going to correct him. He knew better than anyone what he was dealing with.

All the time.

Constantly, but he felt better everyday. 

Tadashi pressed his head against his back once more, letting his warmth embrace him. He shook his head, so Tooru's worried questions continued. “Tough day at the vet? Did something happen?”

“Not particularly.”

He was working as an assistant at the veterinary clinic near his school. He still hadn’t completed his degree, so there was only so much he was allowed to do. Even so, he enjoyed his work and it helped him get his mind off troubling thoughts.

After all, the pressures from his parents were always present whether he was stable or not. They kept wanting him to pursue a career as a doctor, something he didn’t want at all. He had finally voiced his decision to become a veterinarian, but of course, they weren’t pleased at all and they didn’t understand his choice. Even if they did, they probably didn’t care about his interests.

It was laughable because it was Tooru that had taught him to follow his own dreams and ambitions. He had opened up a world that he didn’t think he would ever be a part of, a world away from rules, books and strict standards he was expected to follow. It was a world where he was free from everything, including his own hateful thoughts.

“Yama-chan?” He whispered, leaning in to kiss him and show him that everything was going to be fine. He was right there next to him. That’s probably all that mattered. “I love you.”

It was a confession that only the moon and stars would ever witness.

Tadashi smiled, caressing the side of his face as a discreet blushed formed across his cheeks. He let his lips linger longer than necessary over his, his breaths quickly falling short to their rapid pacing. Tooru responded appropriately, pressing small kisses down the nape of his neck with his piercings tickling his his skin. He pulled him in further, his arms flung over his shoulders.

“I love you, too. Don’t ever leave me.”

Unsurprisingly, it quickly became a routine. Every Saturday, after a long shift at work, Tooru would pick him up on his motorbike. He would embrace him, greet him with a smile, and let his hands brush through his soft brown hair. They would talk about small things before he handed him his helmet. He would hop on and let Tooru take him wherever he wanted.

They went off and in such instances, he felt like he was flying with wings spread behind his back as they soared through the empty streets and intersections. He felt so free and full of life. Everything just felt so right, so perfect. He enjoyed those moments with Tooru and his motorbike, more than anything. He loved feeling that rush of excitement and adrenaline.

Regardless, Tooru was always careful, making sure to follow and stay just above the speed limit. He never went more than what he was suppose to. His safety, after all, was always a priority even when he wanted to be carried along with the wind, to runaway from his responsibilities.

There was always something new to discover and see. Each time they would go further than before, purposefully getting lost as an excuse to spend more time together. As a result, their rides became long, but he felt them as short as the first time.

He couldn’t get enough of it.

“You seem to be smiling more. That’s a good sign.” Tooru told him one time they had briefly stopped in a distant park. They stood in front of a gushing fountain, looking and staring at the horizon with the sun setting from a distance. “Is there a reason for that perhaps?”

“Yeah, and I know exactly what it is.”

He remembered clearly how he had first met Tooru and how he had slowly changed his life. He was literally everything he wanted to be; confident, strong, intelligent, pleasing. He wondered how such a perfect human being could exist. He wondered why he was the one that always struggled with everything. For the longest time, Tadashi silently envied him and wished he could be as talented as he was.

Never did he ever think to start a conversation with him, though. He didn’t think they would ever get along. They were, in a sense, quite different.

Strangely enough, he was the one that approached him first. He sat next to him during lecture, taking the seat right next to him with a smile and formally introducing himself. Tadashi did the same, but he hoped that he would leave him alone.

However, he could never really shake him off after that even though he kept rejecting his friendship. Tadashi didn’t need him or anyone really. He was fine on his own, but the man didn’t seem to get it. His presence overwhelmed him, reminding him how miserable he really was.

Unfortunately, his symptoms only became worse, but he didn’t understand what was going on then. He had a vague idea of what it could be. He had read books about it. He had seen full length television depictions of it as well, but for some reason, he refused to believe he was victim. He convinced himself he would get over it. He thought it was just a phase that would eventually pass through.

After all, it wasn't the first time he felt so awful, so worthless.

He didn’t dare to go outside. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. He slept instead, hoping his anxiety would melt away eventually. Of course, it didn’t and at some point, he stopped trying. His motivation to get up vanished, the little energy he had disappeared along with it as well. He stayed in his apartment for days and no one bothered to check up on him.

Tadashi didn’t think anyone cared. He would probably rot away and no one would notice him missing.

Still, Tooru was the one that came looking for him and he finally lost control.

He saw him breakdown. He saw him cry out of frustration and anger for being useless, for not having enough confidence in himself, for being a failure. He lived under the pressures of his parents, forced to take a role that he didn’t want to and forced to hide his true feelings from them, from everyone he knew. He didn’t think anyone understood his feeling of hopelessness.

Tooru listened to him and stayed with him until he calmed down. He could still remember his words. “Yama-chan, you’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen and known, but it’s okay if you don’t see it now. You will eventually and I’m going to help you.”

Despite it all, he never let him go and remained there with him as the friend he desperately needed. He helped him seek the aid he needed and slowly he was being pulled through, with some medication and with his cognitive therapies.

Naturally, that terrible feeling never left him. It threaten to resurface and haunt him, but he knew he would be fine. The situation was different and he was no longer alone. He was determined to fly and he wasn’t going to let anything tie him down.  

“You’re the reason why I feel this way. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” He whispered, snapping himself from his thoughts after being lost in a daze. Tooru didn’t hear him. He was already heading back to his motorcycle. Tadashi followed him, wondering where he was planning to take him once again.

He reached out his hand for him to grab and he gladly took it as he got on. In a matter of minutes, they were riding down the streets, going against time and heading toward a better future at full speed.

With Tooru next to him, he felt free; limitless.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I apologize for my mistakes!!


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